Nowhere To Hide

I've been around the LFRV diet/lifestyle for 2,5 years. That is a very short period of time. Still I've seen lots of people come to it, give it a try, and back off; something didn't work, didn't fit, didn't meet their expectations.

I can't speak for all of them, but I can speak for myself, and at least some of them.

What the 80/10/10, or low fat raw vegan diet does, is it takes your hiding places away. Rips you bare. You've got to face who you are, and guess what - not everyone likes it. If you smoke, you can throw up a veil that hides you; if you drink alcohol, you can run away to another world, one where you'll never need to see yourself in the face. If you take drugs, you can just lift off and be on a different planet. Far from yourself. If you eat junk, you can stuff your body so full of toxins it'll take all your focus away from yourself.

No need to know who you really are.

Imagine letting go of all of that. Go to a street and strip naked. Let everyone see. Look yourself in a mirror. Like what you see? The chances are you won't. And most won't even go that far, they'll back off faster than you can say 30 bananas a day.

Even if you were born the most beautiful being that ever breathed the air of this world, the most perfect being to set eyes on its blue sky, with the serenest smile on your face, you probably were quickly taught and conditioned to hate, fear, hide from yourself. Where you were looking for warm and welcoming arms and fresh mother's milk, a hard plastic bottle with cow milk or grain-derived substitutes was thrust into your mouth. The heart that longed for love for the sake of love, regardless of what you did or didn't do, was taught to do this and don't do that to get a bit of approval. Do the right things and they'll approve of you. Some were never approved of, regardless of what we did/didn't do. Some were spanked for not being the way they wanted you to be, or just because; others simply ignored. Either way, you quickly learned it was all your fault and you'd better hide all that pain somewhere deep quick, otherwise life would stink.

Then you grew up and forgot about it, or most of us maybe did. Some maybe didn't. They taught you to surround yourself with cloaks, smoke and alcohol, fat and fries, chocolate and chips, all sorts of things so you'd never need to take another look at yourself. They maybe taught you that if you look the way that guy or gal does, your external appearance could be approved of. But just skin deep. Whatever you had under your skin was better hidden away, deep under, in some subconscious place that maybe sometimes haunted your dreams but seldom saw the light of your consciousness.

Some of us learned to live just fine regardless; we ran and jumped, we fought and competed, and were busy enough never to need to pay any attention. Then we heard of this LFRV thing, and decided to give it a go. Hey, fruits are tasty and all that. Or maybe we'd hit the wall and were looking for an escape. Something wasn't working, and we wanted a fix.

For some it was smooth going, better performance, happy sailing. Others hit a bumpy road. Whatever your previous diet, it lent you something LFRV would not, and could not: a place to hide. Whatever negative lifestyle choices you had, there was always a place to hide them. Maybe it was a Mickie D meal, or a chocolate bar, or a ham sandwich, or a nut burger, or some superfood concoction that kept you safely tucked away, within an acceptable distance from yourself.

Now you had nowhere to hide. Nowhere to go from yourself.

Some of us didn't realise what was happening, it just didn't feel good. LFRV didn't work, it didn't "do the trick". It was stripping our defences off, and we didn't like that. There's got to be somewhere to hide, someplace where magic mushrooms can make us fly high above that scary past.

Some of us had crappy relationships. Jobs we hated. A boss we feared. Parents who wouldn't let go. Just some gut feeling that told us to keep our heads low, and not grow too much. Who knows what Gandhi you might turn into, and who wants to be murdered for some weird idealism?

At some point, it became a choice. Either you walk on and face the pain, face the crappy relationships, face the job you hate, face the pain you carry, do whatever it takes to let go and live life to the best of your abilities, regardless of what they say.

Or you back off, too afraid to let go, too afraid to explore, too scared to find out. Find out who we are, what we are made of and what we are here for. A few go back and forth. Longing to let go, but strapping themselves onto the past, wanting to have the cake and eat it. Afraid. Scared. Or maybe just deficient of something? Maybe just ungrounded? Maybe this diet just doesn't work for me? Surely that has to be it. B12 deficient. Sugar rush. In need of more grounding foods. Too 'airy', levitating. Fat deficient. Whatever deficient, as long as it gives you a place to hide.

For who wants to see himself in the soul, find out who you really are?

Who wants to strip bare? Who wants to burn away whatever isn't really you?

That's scary.