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Here's a Papua New Guinean tribe. They build their homes in trees. Beautiful, aren't they?


Now, imagine a Western parent with toddlers up there.


* * * * *


I doubt there are many 'alternative' parenting books my wife hasn't read. I remember one, written by a mother, where the author brought up this very subject. She had consciously trained herself so as not to allow her fear guide her actions towards her son (I seem to remember he was around 5 years old). She would let her son assist her with food preparation, even cutting food with a sharp knife. She had taught herself to trust he would be fine. And he was: He would not cut himself as long as she trusted him.


One day, a friend of hers came to visit. As they went indoors, the author caught a glimpse of her son, standing on a chair in the kitchen with a sharp cutting knife in his hand, happily cutting away at some vegetables. The friend of the author saw this, too, drew a sharp breath, and before she even had the time to say anything, the author's son had cut his finger.


I have no idea of what the mechanisms involved are but I can readily attest to similar experiences in my family. Somehow, children feel the atmosphere surrounding them and act accordlingly. The entire Korowai tribe takes it for granted that children don't fall (or, at least, isn't afraid of this happening - which would tell of a strikingly different attitude towards death from the one prevalent in our society). Therefore, children don't fall.


Why are we so afraid? Do we need to? What good comes out of it? Do we actually create the dangers with our fear?


I wonder...

Views: 88

Tags: family, fear, raw food

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Comment by Mattias Andersson on November 28, 2011 at 13:18

yes, the luck card is commonly played by people... Luck is created, as is so called bad-luck... the energy thing is something very noticeable as well, some people have a very strong energy others weaker, I believe this has to do with how much is invested in their belief...


i.e. it doesn't matter if it is a perceived negative or perceived positive, the energy (person) with most/strongest belief is the energy which will affect the other more... that said, your energy might still be affected but if yours is the stronger, you will affect the other more.... emotions spread, feelings spread, realities spread... if something is real for me, and it is 100% real, and I am in the room, it's going to happen (as long as I am the strongest energy in the room). as my world view has to be made reality.... however, things that is not apart of my conscious world-view can come in through my subconscious world-view (who I think we all know is the real driver of our lives)... or if I only believe something 99% (i.e. I leave a gap for my reality not being real) there is space for another reality (energy) who is more certain of their world-view in the instance) then someones 100% reality will/can have an affect over what happens...


Optimism to the point of delusion sounds like a very healthy delusion as the world sadly seems to be deluded towards the negative...


People who think that they are optimistic when they speak/think in the negative are many.... and most spend their whole life living in the negative....  or so I have observed....


Comment by Jack on November 23, 2011 at 10:07

optimistic to the point of delusion

Me like! ♥ :-)

Comment by Angela Camp on November 23, 2011 at 4:40
That actually makes sense to me, people are always expressing their fear to me but for the most part I remain very confident. Been said to be "optimistic to the point of delusion", then when I have a great outcome as I "knew" I would, they tell me how lucky I was:)
Comment by Jack on November 22, 2011 at 19:24

If you think of it as energies, the picture maybe becomes clearer; people send out energies which affect everyone the energies 'touch'. (I have no idea how the mechanics of this work - I'm not a big fan of supernatural ideas, and when I talk of 'energies', it's simply a metaphor for something I have observed but do not know the exact mechanics of.)


The stronger your own energy, the less affected you are by others' energies. Children generally aren't very strong (though their energy is very 'clear') and so are more easily affected by others' energies - though a lot of adults are also easily affected.


The more people are afraid around a child, the more likely the child is to become afraid. I would also say that the closer to the child an adult is (mothers usually being the closest), the more strongly her energies affect the child.


I think that it is perfectly possible to remain steadfast and not be affected by others' fearful expectations, but I also think that most people aren't particularly steadfast.

Comment by Angela Camp on November 22, 2011 at 18:55
Hmm, I don't like the idea that other people's fear based expectations can affect outcomes for another person who isn't fearful. I feel my own mental state overrides that of others when it comes to outcomes.
Comment by Jack on February 22, 2011 at 11:47

Hmm. Expectations and teeth. We were caught by surprise when it came to our daughter's teeth, but she did get quite a bit of dried fruits at the time, raisins mostly. I had much less awareness back then so it's hard to say. My mind also is very good at erasing past moments...


It's great to be around people who are aware like your friend. Sometimes there is so much unconscious fear you just feel it oozing all over the place, seeping into everything - including your children... You just know you need to get away from there.


It all really has with confidence to do.

Comment by Stephanie on February 20, 2011 at 16:49

My children watched this several times--they were fascinated.

As we watched it I was reminded of this past summer. We were at a pool with some friends. The children had all begun walking along the stair-stepped stones of a garden retaining wall. The other children's mother told her children to get down. I felt this was a normal and resonably safe activity so I ran over to hold my two-year-old's hands as he walked along them. Sure enough, on our way back down, one of the stones was loose and we fell. We both scraped our legs pretty badly and as I held my crying child I was both slightly embarassed and surprised. Things like that just don't happen to us. I mentioned this and my friend immediately apologized for setting up the possiblity with her expectation. I was impressed by her awareness of this concept and her ability to take responsibility, because, honestly, I did agree that she played a role. Of course, I do this in many other aspects of our family's lives, and I am constantly working on it.

This idea has also led to me to link the expectation theory with the discussion of dental health. I don't know any children who have issues with their teeth and never really gave any energy to the idea that my children would have problems. Perhaps this has contributed to our situation?


Comment by Jack on February 17, 2011 at 15:58

Yes, I seem to remember something about crevices and how the Yequena children never fell into them. It's been almost 8 years since I read the book... I wonder where the Yequena are nowadays.


The maternity system mirrors the society, doesn't it... Fear of death. They told my wife at the hospital where she gave birth to our daughter that they 'don't allow death in their premises'. If there is no death, there can be no birth - else the planet wouldn't have room for us all.

Comment by Erthmum on February 13, 2011 at 7:07

Jean Liedloff talks about a similar example in The Continuum Concept.


I think for the majority of Westerners, we are born into fear. Our mothers fear the birth process and what might go wrong and unfortunately the current maternity system is bathed and based on a climate of fear. The cycle is perpetuated. 

I do think we create our own reality to some extent and yes, by and large our fears cause more problems than they save us from.

One of the biggest learning curves form in raising my children has been to simply learn to trust them. My 4y.o insists he can use a knife to cut up his fruit. My almost 2 y.o insists that she can pour her own juice into a cup. Instead of fighting with them or saying no and potentially making the problem worse I have had to de-school myself and just let them do it. Probably not so amazingly there are never any dramas and they do it well and safely the first time.


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